It looks like something out of a nature documentary. But church dances can actually be prime ground to get girls’ phone numbers.
A casual observer, if unacquainted with the social norms, will have no clue what is going on. But subtle intricacies flourish in a scene of single people floundering around on a gymnasium dance floor.
The concept is simple. A bunch of single people get together and dance to popular but tasteful music. In the 1950’s, it was simple to show up to such an event and leave with a girl on your arm. But today everything is hugely complicated.
With Mormons, the ritual is so bizarre it takes at least five dances before even a Mormon has any idea what to do. It takes a lot of work to get anything out of it. But if you follow a few concepts, church dances can be a great starting point for meeting and dating women.
Greet Everybody You Know
One of the biggest problems with guys at church is that they are quiet and diffident. In any kind of dance atmosphere it is the loud jock, the exciting tough guy who attracts attention. As far as church goes, this means a guy who storms into the room and hi-fives every guy he knows.
Prior to the dance, I typically make inquiries to find out which of my friends are going. I try to show up with them. When I arrive, I scan the crowd for faces I know and I say hi. Throughout the dance I throw friendly lines to people coming and going: “Hey, how’s it going?” “Have a good night” even if I don’t know them.
Does this mean you chat up every girl you see? Of course not. There are always those guys who asks all the sidelined “sweet spirits” to dance because they think it will impress the hot girl to see how nice he is. This is not the point. I’m talking about appearing dominant of everyone—guy, girl, attractive, ugly. Chances are this does not come naturally. But just work on it.
Church dances typically segregate by local single’s groups because everybody is too shy to mingle outside of the people they know. If people can see that you are friendly with lots of people and easily approachable it will be much easier to talk to girls you never met before.
Show Unrealistic Amounts Of Fun
Girls will notice a guy who is having the time of his life. How do you look like you are having fun? It’s like school. How do you behave in a class you really enjoy? You sit front and center. You speak up all the time. You stay till the end. These are traits that will likewise imply that you enjoy the dance.
Establish a dominant space front and center, right across from the DJ. Whoop and holler and make grand dancing motions, as if you don’t care if anyone ridicules you. Smile and invite others to dance wildly with you. If a girl joins with you, acknowledge that she is in your dance group now—a handshake, a few words—and then continue dancing.
There have been dances where I didn’t know anybody, so I just went in the middle and tried to have lots of fun. People joined me or pulled me into their group and introduced themselves. I find you can’t really pull this off if you are on the edge of the dance floor. You also can’t be glancing around nervously in hopes that you will see someone you recognize and no longer be alone.
Church music is typically played by amateurs at a low volume and under an uncomfortable level of lighting. It is difficult to get into it, but after 15 minutes of feeling ridiculous hopefully it will stop feeling awkward.
It is important to look like you are having a blast, because the girls probably feel a lot more awkward about it than you do. They hate being looked at and ridiculed a lot more than you do. They are only there because a couple friends went. If it were just them, there would be no fun happening at all. They will gladly follow a guy who elevates the spirit of the party, even if it appears a bit clownish.
Dress To Impress
Gauge what the standard level of dress is for people at dances in your area and dress two levels above that. Put on some nice smelling cologne and a good pair of shoes.
Hopefully you are in shape and wearing clothes that fit your muscular arms. It is moments like these when being in shape counts for double, because your entire body will be the focus of girls’ judgement as you dance.
Don’t worry about your skill level of dancing. There is always going to be those guys who act like they are professionals and request swing songs so that the guys who don’t know swing will be at a disadvantage of picking partners. Don’t worry about all that. If you can keep a beat and have a basic idea of what to do, it does no good to appear like some dance star. Your focus is to get girls, not to be a professional dancer.
Make Your Move
I remember dances at BYU university where as soon as a slow song came on, the pretty girls were scooped up within seconds. Guys gravitated toward the pretty girls, like toreros in a bull-leaping competition, and counted every micro-second until the beat slowed down to get the girl.
I thought that was pretty pathetic, because these guys have a mindset that slow dances are the only opportunity to attract a girl.
Unless there is a girl right next to me that I really want to dance with when a slow song comes on, I like to wait a little while to pick someone. It is more poignant for a girl if the clock is ticking, she still isn’t getting a request, and then you show up. That places you in a better position. It makes you a valuable man.
When it comes to getting a girl’s phone number, slow songs are actually a weak opportunity because the girl feels pressure. It is best to approach the whole slow dance thing very casually unless it is a girl you are dating.
A better time to make a move is during normal dance time or as the event is wrapping up. In the midst of conversation, steer the topic toward some other event that is coming up, and simply say “Let me get your phone number. I’ll give you a text beforehand.”
That’s it. Now is not the time to impress the girl or get to know her in some drawn-out discussion. Just collect a phone number and move on.
Dances are not the place to discuss philosophy. Music is blaring and people are focused on having fun, not being intelligent. Keep it all very light and short.
“What do you think of that song?” “Nice necklace.” The hardest part, of course, is striking up a chat with a total stranger. Do not make it a big deal.
The first thing to be mindful of is body language and see indicators of interest. Where is her position turned? She needs to be aware you are there before you can approach her. Is she looking at you? If not, is her face at least turned toward you with the eyes looking down? Those are cues to say an opener. Make jokes and turn everything into a joke if you can.
Conversation is only 1% of the game, especially in a dance atmosphere. What matters is your physical touch.
First, you show presence in your hi-fives and handshakes with the other men. Maybe pull them in for a hug if they are within your group. If an invidious guy is moving in on a girl you want, use physical maneuvers to deal with it. Get between him and the girl—but in a playful way. Again, this probably does not come naturally to you, but it is just typically what works.
Rather than chat with the girl right away, use touch. Start by respectfully getting in her personal space. Make eye contact, give a friendly smile, and motion to invite her to match your dance movements. If you are feeling bold, give a light grab on the inside of the arm and then leave her group for a while.
I have a friend who likes to move rapidly from group to group. Rather than stay in one dance group over 5 minutes, he gives a quick word or brush of the arm as he wanders brazenly over to another group where maybe he knows one or two people, and greets them with a quick word or brush of the arm. He circulates through all the groups several times and always greets and departs with a quick word and physical touch.
Focus On Business First
You are there to have fun, and by all appearances you are dancing and having the time of your life with all of your buddies, but don’t forget that the whole purpose is to collect phone numbers.
Even if you are dancing with a girl in your own congregation and you could just look up her number on a list, ask for it anyway. Get as many numbers from desirable girls that you can and try until you get them.
The fun you are having is working to this end. You may get sidetracked with a girl that you aren’t interested in that much, or a buddy who occupies your time with something. Or maybe someone is blocking you from approaching a girl you want. Put on a big smile, dance dominantly, and scheme what your next move will be.
I find dances work best if you don’t go very far getting to know anyone. It is just a brief introduction. So once you get introduced, move on.
If you go to a dance expecting to meet girls and have fun without doing any work, you are going to be disappointed. Expect to stand around and be bored. You have to go out of your comfort zone and boldly throw yourself out there. But if do, it will be a great way to meet new girls and get a good Mormon girlfriend.