Category Archives: Dating

America’s Open Borders Policy is Creating a Mormon Brain Drain in Latin America

I have a confession to make.  I hope that you can handle it because it is a little bit shocking.  Ready, here we go.  Mrs. Johnson is from Mexico.  So how did I end up married to a Mexican?  Because she’s a great woman, that’s why.  However the really interesting question is why did Mrs. Johnson marry me?  Simply put the Mormon brain drain in Latin America is a huge part of why she married me.  Let me explain.

What happened is most of the middle class and upper class Mormons in Mrs. Johnson’s city came to college in the United States.  Lots of Mormon young men in her ward and stake ended up at BYU and other church schools.  Mormon Church leadership likes to bring LDS youth to college in Utah because BYU is a good university plus there’s the theoretical benefit of showing our Latin/Hispanic brothers how we do things in Utah and hopefully they take some of our WASP culture back to where they are from.  It’s a really good idea on paper that doesn’t work in the real world.

What ends up happening is Hispanic Mormons come here, get a good education and then they get affirmative action hired to work for American multinational corporations.  American multinational corporations love to hire Hispanic Mormons from BYU because these guys have more or less WASP values, they work hard, they don’t complain, they are motivated to do well, etc.  And there’s the added bonus of they check the minority hiring box and the multinational corporations can put these guys on their magazine covers to show how diverse their workforce is.  The result is a Mormon brain drain in Latin America.

When I was single I would use the Internet for dating.  I ended up chatting a lot with Middle Class Latin Mormon girls who were on the site because all the middle class and upper middle class Mormon men had left.  Girls like to stay close to their families and Mormon girls have an even higher preference to stay close to home.  All girls don’t want to marry a man from a lower economic level than they already are in.  In Latin America the consequences for girls of marrying down the economic ladder can be the difference from a comfortable life and living in abject poverty.  It’s not like here in the West where a woman marrying down the economic ladder is the difference between spending a week in Hawaii every year and camping in Teton National Park.  The Mormon brain drain in Latin America causes major problems for Latin Mormon girls and is holding the church there back because so many of the future church leaders in these countries leave.

The Latin Mormon brain drain and the struggle many Latin Mormon girls have to find a LDS husband is a side effect of America’s open borders policy.  These girls are legitimate victims of the United States’ immigration policies.  It is robbing the Mormon Church of many of its future church leaders in Latin America because so many of them end up immigrating to the United States.

The Mormon brain drain in Latin America is a tough problem and there really isn’t a good solution for it right now.  The LDS Church can encourage its members to stay in their own countries but the benefits of moving to the United States are huge for these upper class people who can get affirmative action jobs at the multinational corporations.  Also they get away from the crime down there so upper class Latin Mormons usually will ignore this council.

The Mormon Church could open up a couple of universities in Latin America to be like the BYU for its Latin members.  This would be a potentially good option but it would be a lot of money, there may or may not be enough members to attend and the LDS Church could end up hemorrhaging money subsidizing living costs for its poorer members who ended up attending.  At some point in time the Mormon Church will have to open up at least 1 university in Latin America to service its Latin members but that time probably isn’t yet.

I highly recommend that red pill single Mormon men take advantage of the Mormon brain drain in Latin America.  If you can use the internet to meet some of these women it can be a great way to find a good woman who will make a good wife.  If you feel like an adventure living in Latin America for a while you will have a good selection of middle class Latin Mormon girls who will be excited that somebody new and interesting showed up in town.

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6 Ways To Get Girls At Church Dances

It looks like something out of a nature documentary. But church dances can actually be prime ground to get girls’ phone numbers.

A casual observer, if unacquainted with the social norms, will have no clue what is going on. But subtle intricacies flourish in a scene of single people floundering around on a gymnasium dance floor.

The concept is simple. A bunch of single people get together and dance to popular but tasteful music. In the 1950’s, it was simple to show up to such an event and leave with a girl on your arm. But today everything is hugely complicated.

With Mormons, the ritual is so bizarre it takes at least five dances before even a Mormon has any idea what to do. It takes a lot of work to get anything out of it. But if you follow a few concepts, church dances can be a great starting point for meeting and dating women.

Greet Everybody You Know

One of the biggest problems with guys at church is that they are quiet and diffident. In any kind of dance atmosphere it is the loud jock, the exciting tough guy who attracts attention. As far as church goes, this means a guy who storms into the room and hi-fives every guy he knows.

Prior to the dance, I typically make inquiries to find out which of my friends are going. I try to show up with them. When I arrive, I scan the crowd for faces I know and I say hi. Throughout the dance I throw friendly lines to people coming and going: “Hey, how’s it going?” “Have a good night” even if I don’t know them.

Does this mean you chat up every girl you see? Of course not. There are always those guys who asks all the sidelined “sweet spirits” to dance because they think it will impress the hot girl to see how nice he is. This is not the point. I’m talking about appearing dominant of everyone—guy, girl, attractive, ugly. Chances are this does not come naturally. But just work on it.

Church dances typically segregate by local single’s groups because everybody is too shy to mingle outside of the people they know. If people can see that you are friendly with lots of people and easily approachable it will be much easier to talk to girls you never met before.

Show Unrealistic Amounts Of Fun

Girls will notice a guy who is having the time of his life. How do you look like you are having fun? It’s like school. How do you behave in a class you really enjoy? You sit front and center. You speak up all the time. You stay till the end. These are traits that will likewise imply that you enjoy the dance.

Establish a dominant space front and center, right across from the DJ. Whoop and holler and make grand dancing motions, as if you don’t care if anyone ridicules you. Smile and invite others to dance wildly with you. If a girl joins with you, acknowledge that she is in your dance group now—a handshake, a few words—and then continue dancing.

There have been dances where I didn’t know anybody, so I just went in the middle and tried to have lots of fun. People joined me or pulled me into their group and introduced themselves. I find you can’t really pull this off if you are on the edge of the dance floor. You also can’t be glancing around nervously in hopes that you will see someone you recognize and no longer be alone.

Church music is typically played by amateurs at a low volume and under an uncomfortable level of lighting. It is difficult to get into it, but after 15 minutes of feeling ridiculous hopefully it will stop feeling awkward.

It is important to look like you are having a blast, because the girls probably feel a lot more awkward about it than you do. They hate being looked at and ridiculed a lot more than you do. They are only there because a couple friends went. If it were just them, there would be no fun happening at all. They will gladly follow a guy who elevates the spirit of the party, even if it appears a bit clownish.

Dress To Impress

Gauge what the standard level of dress is for people at dances in your area and dress two levels above that. Put on some nice smelling cologne and a good pair of shoes.

Hopefully you are in shape and wearing clothes that fit your muscular arms. It is moments like these when being in shape counts for double, because your entire body will be the focus of girls’ judgement as you dance.

Don’t worry about your skill level of dancing. There is always going to be those guys who act like they are professionals and request swing songs so that the guys who don’t know swing will be at a disadvantage of picking partners. Don’t worry about all that. If you can keep a beat and have a basic idea of what to do, it does no good to appear like some dance star. Your focus is to get girls, not to be a professional dancer.

Make Your Move

I remember dances at BYU university where as soon as a slow song came on, the pretty girls were scooped up within seconds. Guys gravitated toward the pretty girls, like toreros in a bull-leaping competition, and counted every micro-second until the beat slowed down to get the girl.

I thought that was pretty pathetic, because these guys have a mindset that slow dances are the only opportunity to attract a girl.

Unless there is a girl right next to me that I really want to dance with when a slow song comes on, I like to wait a little while to pick someone. It is more poignant for a girl if the clock is ticking, she still isn’t getting a request, and then you show up. That places you in a better position. It makes you a valuable man.

When it comes to getting a girl’s phone number, slow songs are actually a weak opportunity because the girl feels pressure. It is best to approach the whole slow dance thing very casually unless it is a girl you are dating.

A better time to make a move is during normal dance time or as the event is wrapping up. In the midst of conversation, steer the topic toward some other event that is coming up, and simply say “Let me get your phone number. I’ll give you a text beforehand.”

That’s it. Now is not the time to impress the girl or get to know her in some drawn-out discussion. Just collect a phone number and move on.

Simple Conversation

Dances are not the place to discuss philosophy. Music is blaring and people are focused on having fun, not being intelligent. Keep it all very light and short.

“What do you think of that song?” “Nice necklace.” The hardest part, of course, is striking up a chat with a total stranger. Do not make it a big deal.

The first thing to be mindful of is body language and see indicators of interest. Where is her position turned? She needs to be aware you are there before you can approach her. Is she looking at you? If not, is her face at least turned toward you with the eyes looking down? Those are cues to say an opener. Make jokes and turn everything into a joke if you can.

Conversation is only 1% of the game, especially in a dance atmosphere. What matters is your physical touch.

First, you show presence in your hi-fives and handshakes with the other men. Maybe pull them in for a hug if they are within your group. If an invidious guy is moving in on a girl you want, use physical maneuvers to deal with it. Get between him and the girl—but in a playful way. Again, this probably does not come naturally to you, but it is just typically what works.

Rather than chat with the girl right away, use touch. Start by respectfully getting in her personal space. Make eye contact, give a friendly smile, and motion to invite her to match your dance movements. If you are feeling bold, give a light grab on the inside of the arm and then leave her group for a while.

I have a friend who likes to move rapidly from group to group. Rather than stay in one dance group over 5 minutes, he gives a quick word or brush of the arm as he wanders brazenly over to another group where maybe he knows one or two people, and greets them with a quick word or brush of the arm. He circulates through all the groups several times and always greets and departs with a quick word and physical touch.

Focus On Business First

You are there to have fun, and by all appearances you are dancing and having the time of your life with all of your buddies, but don’t forget that the whole purpose is to collect phone numbers.

Even if you are dancing with a girl in your own congregation and you could just look up her number on a list, ask for it anyway. Get as many numbers from desirable girls that you can and try until you get them.

The fun you are having is working to this end. You may get sidetracked with a girl that you aren’t interested in that much, or a buddy who occupies your time with something. Or maybe someone is blocking you from approaching a girl you want. Put on a big smile, dance dominantly, and scheme what your next move will be.

I find dances work best if you don’t go very far getting to know anyone. It is just a brief introduction. So once you get introduced, move on.

If you go to a dance expecting to meet girls and have fun without doing any work, you are going to be disappointed. Expect to stand around and be bored. You have to go out of your comfort zone and boldly throw yourself out there. But if do, it will be a great way to meet new girls and get a good Mormon girlfriend.

Will Redgulls Lead to More Marriages than a High End Mormon Matchmaker?

A high end Mormon matchmaker service boasts that they’ve helped 100 people get married over the last 7 years.  Sounds good right?  Well not really.  That’s about 15 marriages a year of young of relatively young people, right at the time when most people marry.  How many of these people would have found somebody anyway without using a high end and expensive matchmaker?  Want a more effective way to allow YOU to meet the women who YOU want and not desperate women looking for any man?  Here’s the way to do it.  Read this book: Everything Your Father Never Taught You.

When you pay $9.99 to read Everything Your Father Never Taught You, you learn what makes women tick and how to become the kind of man who gets to date the kind of women YOU want to date.  When you pay for an expensive Mormon matchmaker you pay at least $9.99 a month for the matchmaker to set you up with somebody who you didn’t choose.  In one year of using an expensive Mormon matchmaker you will spend at least $120 and won’t have learned anything to help you get the kind of women who you want and you won’t be dating the women you choose.  You will be dating the people the Mormon matchmaker chooses.

Mormon girls can spend nearly $120 per year on an expensive Mormon Matchmaker without learning what they can do to get to date the kind of men they want; or they can spend $9.99 one time on the book Marry the Man of Your Dreams and learn exactly what they need to do to get to date and marry the men they want.  It’s a simple calculation.  Mormon girls can pay $9.99 a month forever and get set up with men who they didn’t choose or they can pay $9.99 one time to read Marry the Man of Your Dreams and learn what to do to date the men who they want.

Using an expensive Mormon matchmaker is pointless and borderline useless if you don’t know what you have to do to make yourself desirable to the opposite sex.  Once you know what you need to do to be desirable to the opposite sex then you don’t need to pay to use an expensive matchmaker forever.  Let’s see if men who buy Everything Your Father Never Taught You and women who buy Marry the Man of Your Dreams can have more than 100 weddings over the next 7 years.

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How to Make YSA Ward Hopping Work for You

Outside of Utah and Idaho, every LDS man struggles to find enough Mormon girls to date.  The average YSA ward has a limited supply of desirable women and all the men in the ward try to get the attention of the few cute girls.  Mormon Church leaders want us to attend exclusively the YSA ward that we are assigned to.  However the problem with only attending the YSA ward we are assigned to is we greatly limit our Mormon dating and socializing options.  Outside of Utah and Idaho, ward hopping is crucial because we all have to ward hop to get enough Mormon dating and socializing options.

Over the years as a Mormon single adult I developed a program I used for ward hopping.  Here’s what I did to ward hop:

Standard ward hopping program

  1. Create a list of all the YSA wards in your area. Spend some time on Google and Facebook doing some research on Mormon single adult wards in your metropolitan area.  About an hour of research will help you to get the names of various YSA wards in your city, their address and meeting times.
  2. After you have a list of the YSA wards in your city the next thing to do is choose which wards you plan to attend first. Most people do ward hopping wrong.  When ward hopping what most LDS men do is they visit a new ward, identify the cute girls and go and talk to the new girls in a valiant effort to date them.  The problem with this strategy is Mormon girls have their social defenses up really high at church on Sundays.  They don’t like to flirt with new men in front of their girlfriends and beta orbiters.  When you are properly ward hopping the thing that you want to do is establish yourself in the YSA ward’s community and meet the girls naturally as part of becoming a member of the group.
  3. First focus on all the YSA wards that are nearest to you. It is easiest to visit and establish yourself in YSA wards that are close to where you live.  You want to establish your presence in wards closest to you because it will be easiest for you to attend activities, date girls and be part of the community if you live nearby.
  4. When you go ward hopping to a new ward, make sure to verify that the ward you visit has at least a few cute girls attending the ward. One of the things that went on in the LDS church over the last 15 years was the church created far too many YSA wards.  Most YSA wards don’t have enough men and women attending.  When you visit a new YSA ward and find that it is a struggling ward lacking interesting people then don’t go back to that ward.  It is incredibly important to avoid wards that don’t interest you.  It is critical not to waste time on wards that aren’t interesting and don’t have interesting people.  Only visit wards ONCE that have nothing to offer.  Don’t go back to YSA wards that don’t interest you.
  5. Make sure to identify wards that have at least a few girls that interest you. You want to go ward hopping at wards that have at least a few good potential dating prospects.
  6. When you attend a new YSA ward don’t be in too big of a rush to meet the pretty girls. Most men who go ward hopping rush to talk to all of the pretty girls and they end up coming across as try-hard douche-bags.  Of course if a pretty girl is eyeing you up, go and talk with her.  What you want to do is meet the pretty girls very casually.  Think Roosh’s seminal book Day Bang.  When ward hopping try to meet pretty girls just as part of meeting people in the ward.
  7. When you go ward hopping, identify the influential people in the ward. These could be the pretty girls who everybody kisses up to.  These could be the cool men in the ward who have lots of friends and influence in their YSA ward.  Pay lots of attention to identify the movers and shakers in every new YSA ward you visit.  Work really hard to get on the good side of the movers and shakers in any ward you visit in your ward hopping adventures.
  8. After you identify a YSA ward that you want to continue to visit, join the ward’s Facebook group. Every YSA ward has its own Facebook group that announces all ward activities and social gatherings.  You can stay aware of what is going on in lots of YSA wards just by being a member of their Facebook groups.
  9. When ward hopping, you want to attend ward activities of every ward you are currently visiting 2 times every month. After you join the ward’s Facebook page, keep an eye out for social gatherings that interest you.  You can attend church service or you can go to FHE, or to a mid week social gathering or go to a ward activity.  When you attend ward activities you establish your presence and casually meet the cute girls and get to be friends with the cool men in the ward.
  10. After a month or 6 weeks of visiting a new YSA ward you should know most of the relevant people in the ward. After a month or 6 weeks you must have talked with all of the pretty girls in the ward at least once or twice. You also need to make sure to meet all of the cool men in the ward and hopefully you made a new friend or two.  After spending 6 weeks visiting a new YSA ward you are ready to continue ward hopping and look for a new ward or continue to attending the ward you’ve recently been visiting.
  11. If you decide to continue your ward hopping, plot the locations of all YSA wards reasonably close to you and if applicable to you plot the location of any mid-singles wards on a map starting with the wards nearest to you. First visit the wards closest to you and later visit wards farther from you. In the wards that you find interesting, spend enough time in these wards to get to know all the cute girls and cool men.  Over time you will build up a contact list of cute Mormon girls who you know and you will get to meet all of the cool Mormon guys in your city or region.
  12. Eventually you will find that 1 YSA ward in your city or metropolitan area serves as the main single adult ward for your area. For example in the San Francisco Bay Area this ward is the Stanford YSA ward, in Southern California the main single adult ward is the Huntington Beach ward. It is important to identify the most popular ward and attend it regularly because the strongest ward in your city will get the most visitors and have the most people moving into the ward.  Once you identify your city’s most popular YSA ward it makes sense to consider moving into the most popular ward.

Limits of the usefulness of ward hopping

  • Outside of Utah, you can visit all the YSA wards in your metropolitan area, meet all the pretty Mormon girls and get to know all of the cool men in 18 months or less. After you’ve either dated or tried to date all the pretty Mormon girls in your city or metropolitan area, what do you do next?  After about 2 years of using my ward hopping strategy in my area I was looking at a map of YSA wards that I hadn’t visited and wondered if I should drive 2 hours to visit new YSA wards.
  • As you go ward hopping farther and farther from your house what you find is you can’t really attend very many activities or get to meet the cool men in the YSA ward you are visiting. At some distance from your house, ward hopping becomes: go to a new ward, look for pretty girls, instantly talk with the pretty girls and hope to instantly connect with them.  At some driving distance from your home you become forced to be another douche-bag trolling for instant interest from 1 of the cute girls in the ward.
  • Ward hopping is ineffective in the jungles of suburbia in Utah along the Wasatch Front because most local LDS single adults there don’t really participate in their YSA ward.   In suburban Utah most members of the church have their long time LDS friends.  They don’t need to attend their local YSA ward because they don’t need to.

Ward hopping is most effective

  • Ward hopping is most effective in California, Arizona, Nevada, etc. YSA wards have the best attendance outside of Utah and Idaho because they are the focal point for single Mormons.  Single Mormons outside of Utah have to be involved in the YSA program because the YSA program is how Mormons outside of Utah meet.
  • You can also use ward hopping at BYU and BYUI. For example at BYU and BYUI it makes sense to have a presence in 2 or 3 YSA wards close to where you live plus the ward you are assigned to.  At BYU and BYUI if you regularly visit your ward plus 2 or 3 other wards then you will know everybody and know the local goings on around you.  You would be well connected and in a position to be able to meet all of the cute Mormon girls in your local area.

Importance of ward hopping for LDS men

  • It’s incredibly hard to meet girls in your local YSA ward. For some reason Mormon girls don’t like to date men in their YSA ward.  LDS men must expand their dating pool as much as possible and this means doing at least some ward hopping.
  • Modern men must grab life by the pussy. This means having a plan of action to take charge of your dating life.  Ward hopping with a solid plan of action is an important part of grabbing life by the pussy.
  • Ward hopping provides you with clarity about your life situation.  If you spend 2 years ward hopping to every YSA ward in your city and you’ve dated or tried to date all the Mormons girls in your city who interest you then you know that if you want to continue to date Mormon girls you need to move to a different city.  After my time ward hopping, I realized that I needed to move away from my city and move to a place with more Mormon girls to date.  Ward hopping can tell you when you need to relocate to a different city or different state.

Conclusion

LDS men outside of Utah and Idaho need to learn how to do ward hopping because it is the best way to expand your Mormon socializing and dating options.  Have a plan to ward hop effectively and get out there and expand your dating options this week.

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Flirt to Convert for the Red Pill Mormon

One of the prettiest lies that many LDS men tell themselves is Mormon girls are better than non-Mormon girls.  One of the bitterest parts of Mormon men taking the red pill is learning that Mormon girls really aren’t all that much better than non-LDS girls.  After learning that Mormon girls are human beings too and not the perfect angels we wish they were, many LDS men wonder if they wouldn’t be better served dating non-LDS women.  Let’s take a look at the pro’s and con’s for red pill Mormon men to date non-Mormon girls.

Pros of dating non-LDS women

  • Wider selection of women. Mormons make up at most 2% of the American population and even less of the world population.  There are 50x as many non-LDS women as there are Mormon girls.  By adding non-Mormon girls to your list of potential dating options you can greatly expand the amount of dates you go on and greatly increase the chances of meeting at least 1 girl who you connect with really well.
  • Non-Mormon girls won’t punish you for your vices. Have you ever looked at pr0n?  Did you drink alcohol in the past?  Do you occasionally drink a cup of coffee?  Are you afraid that if a local Mormon girl finds out about these things then it will ruin your reputation in the whole local Mormon Community?  Good news, non-Mormon women won’t give you a hard time for any of these vices.  They won’t see the big deal in these actions that you do/did.  They will just think that it is part of being a normal red blooded man and not punish you for having a few vices.
  • If you get into a real relationship with a non-Mormon girl and things progress to the point where you two are seriously considering a serious relationship, then she will be very interested in following you and joining the Mormon Church. Often converts to the LDS faith become the strongest members of the church.  If you use flirt to convert with your future wife, then she may very well become an incredibly strong member of the church.

Cons of dating Non-Mormon women

  • Non-Mormon girls have very different dating expectations. Even non-LDS good girls expect your relationship to become sexual sooner rather than later.  Non-Mormon girls expect you to try to have sex with them by the 3rd or 4th date.  If you don’t try to seduce a non-Mormon girl then very often they will feel like you aren’t interested in them and they won’t feel comfortable dating you.  Either you have to make them feel like you care for them without getting naked with them or you have to violate the Law of Chastity with them.  You may not be able to keep your temple recommend and consistently date non-Mormon girls.
  • If you get into a serious relationship with a non-Mormon girl and she decides to convert does she have a testimony of the Gospel? Of course at first she’s only getting baptized because of you and that’s fine.  However the real issue is will she teach your children Mormon values?  If she raises your kids to be worldly and hedonistic then you are making it hard for your children to stay faithful to the Gospel.
  • Are you going to lose your testimony of the Gospel once you start dating non-Mormon girls? Lots of men end up following women.  If/when you start to date non-Mormon girls you may start engaging in non church approved activities.  If you start to do things that your bishop disapproves of then you may very well try to justify your actions by saying that you no longer believe in the Gospel as a way to justify your new lifestyle.  It’s important not to lose your faith no matter what happens in your dating life.

Recommendations for red pill Mormon men for dating non-LDS women

After taking the red pill it makes sense for LDS men to dabble at least a little bit in dating non-Mormon girls.  Flirt to convert can be an effective dating strategy.  It is good to gain a broader perspective on the available women in your dating market.  If you’ve haven’t violated the Law of Chastity then you may end up violating the commandments.  Be very careful when you get super turned on it is very easy to violate the Law of Chastity.  Dating non-LDS girls will allow you to greatly expand your dating options and possibly allow you to get into a relationship with a good woman.  Adding non-Mormon girls to your dating life can be a very good thing to help you have a better dating life but if you aren’t careful it can get you into trouble.

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LDS Dating Website Reviews

Since I’m tying the knot soon, I’m going to dump as much dating knowledge that I’ve got because I no longer need to keep my tactics secret.  I’m going to start by giving a LDS dating website review.  I’m also going to include my general tactics for these sites because I no longer care if every man out there uses them because I’m not going to need them anymore.  Over my 30’s I used 3 LDS dating websites with various levels of success.  After I moved to Utah I also used Tinder to get dates because in Utah everybody is on Tinder, so I figured that I might as well be there too.  I used LDSplanet.com, LDSSingles.net and LDSmatchup.com.  Here’s how each of these sites worked for me.

LDSPlanet.com

LDSplanet.com is a pay dating website that I used a ton in 2012.  I was able to get a lot of first dates in 2012 and over time I got 2 girlfriends from using LDSPlanet.com.  By 2013 I my response rate dropped too low so I stopped using the site.  I started using it again in late 2014 and was able to get a few first dates.  After I moved to Utah I stopped using it because I could just use Tinder to get dates.

When you search for girls on LDSPlanet to date, you want to set your preferred body type to “Athletic” and “Slender.”  All the girls of every other body type are completely obese.  If you are outside of Utah, you can expect that you are going to be driving for at least 3 hours to go on first dates.  For example when I was in California I had dates with girls in San Francisco, Fresno, Sacramento and I even drove to meet up with a girl who was in Los Angeles.  In my defense the girl in LA was really cute and we ended up dating for about 3 months before I decided that it was just too far to keep seeing her.

The most interesting girls who you meet on LDSplanet.com are foreign girls.  I was able to chat with cute LDS girls from all over the world.  I would chat with girls from Japan, South America and even a few in Europe.  The problem would be after a while of chatting with them was I would either have to fly halfway across the world just for a first date or not go see the girls I was chatting with.  I don’t have that kind of money or time so I couldn’t travel all over the World for a first date.  The problem became the girls and I would just kind of chat in a never ending circle that never went anywhere.

What I did a couple of times was when I was chatting with a girl in a city that I wanted to visit was I would plan a week of touring there.  For example I went to Brazil a few years ago to see Iguazu Falls.  I had been chatting with a girl in Rio de Janeiro.  Magically I decided to stop for a few days in Rio and I needed a tour guide.  She agreed to show me around and we had a fun few days in Rio.  Things didn’t really go anywhere after that because there really wasn’t a way to continue to see each other but it still was a good experience.

Another time I was chatting with a girl who lived near a major western European capital.  I decided to visit her city and we spent a few days together.  She later came to BYU to study but she started dating a guy right after she got to Provo and I never got to see her again.  Generally speaking meeting up with foreign girls becomes having her take you touring around her city for a few days, a few days of hooking up and chatting some more online.

When I first moved back to Utah I used LDSplanet.com to send out a few messages to local girls but didn’t get much response.  It seemed like most of the women there were divorced/single moms and I have a strict no dating single moms rule.  Besides I was able to get better matches on Tinder in Utah than on LDSPlanet.com.

LDSPlanet.com gives you a lot of fields to use to create a big profile.  You can upload up to 30 photos to your profile.  You can’t have any group photos on your profile image and you can’t post any indecent photos.  On your cover image, you want to post a photo of you wearing a suit and looking good.  Men always look their best wearing a suit and most men don’t post photos in the profile pics.  The other photo that you want to have in your profile is having a photo of you holding or playing with one of your nieces and nephews.  On a Mormon dating website, girls are looking for a man who is “husband material.”  They want at least some confirmation that you are interested in a real relationship.  Give the girls what they want to see by showing your impulse to be a father.  With the rest of the photos you want to show that you are a fun man who always is up to something fun.  Have some travel photos, some sports photos, etc.

On your profile you want to make sure that your profile indicates that you are a fun guy who always is having a great time.  Make sure that you use all the space in the profile sections to let girls see what a fun and great guy you are.  Most men don’t do a really good job of this and it hurts their profile.  I’m not that great at talking about myself, so what I did was I asked my cousin who is really good at writing LDS dating website profiles to write me a profile.

When you give your personal details make sure to portray yourself in the best light possible and if you have to feel free to extend the truth if necessary.  If you make $60,000 a year, feel free to tell the girls that you make $100,000 a year because girls don’t know the difference.  The only thing that they know is they want a man who “makes 6 figures.”  Just let the girls see what they want to see.  You aren’t lying you are just letting girls know that you have a good job with a future.  On your height tell girls that you are about 2 inches taller than you are.  If you are 5’8 then tell girls that you are 5’10.  If you are 5’9 tell girls that you are 6 feet tall.  On height what girls are asking for is they want to know if you are taller than they are or not.  They don’t know the difference between 5’9 and 6’0.  Show them what they want to see 6’0 and $100,000.

On LDSPlanet.com, what most men do is when they want a girl to notice them they do one of two things.  On LDSPlanet.com, there’s a button call the “flirt” button where when you look at a girl’s profile you can send her a “flirt” message.  Girls hate it when you send them a “flirt” message, don’t do it.  What other men do is they write out some huge 5 paragraph message that is more like a love letter.  These don’t work either because they make the guys who write them look like a desperate chump.

The thing to do when you message girls on LDSPlanet.com and all other dating websites is you want to create a 3 or 4 sentence template message that you can use to mass message girls.  You want to put some effort into your template message and make it pretty good and impactful.  You want your template message to:

  • Introduce yourself in the first sentence.
  • Say that you think that her profile is interesting.
  • Say that she seems like an interesting girl.
  • Call to action most likely an invite to chat soon.

You could use something like this as an example template message.  “Hi, I’m (name).  I liked your profile because you seem to really enjoy life.  You seem like you are an interesting girl because you like to have fun.  Let’s chat soon.”  You want to use a template message because you don’t want to over invest in any particular girl online and using a template keeps you from putting much effort into any girl in particular but instead focus on making a quality template that all girls will like.

After you create your template message then go through the list of girls who you find cute and send each of them the message using copy and paste.  You have to understand that most of the girls either didn’t pay to use LDSPlanet.com, no longer use it or only check it every week or so.  She may very well never see your message or not be able to respond to your message.  The general rule is you should expect a 5% to 15% response rate to your template message due to not all the girls still using the site, not paying and having access to send messages and you not being their bag.

Overall LDSPlanet.com can be a useful tool.  I don’t think that it makes sense to use it if you are in Utah or Idaho because you can get more dates and better dates using Tinder.  However it makes sense to use it if you are living outside of Utah.  You can use it to get dates if you are willing to drive for a while or you can use it to get dates to go with your travel plans.

LDSSingles.net

LDSSingles.net is a pay Mormon dating website I used for a while in 2013.  It is a huge site and it seems like everybody uses it.  For example when I looked at my local area all the local girls used it.  I recognized every girl from my YSA ward and the surrounding wards.  It had a big selection of girls to message.

The problem with the site was everybody was there.  If all of the girls from the local YSA ward were there then all of the men were there too.  And that was the problem.  There were so many people using the site that I never got any traction.  I messaged all the girls who were on the site but I only got a handful of responses and I was never able to get beyond 2 or 3 messages with the girls who responded.  I didn’t get any dates out of LDSSingles.net.

I don’t know what my problem on the site was.  I don’t know if it was because there were so many men there that the girls got super picky and only responded the best of the best.  It might have been that all the men messaged the pretty girls and the girls couldn’t sort through all their messages and my message got lost in the shuffle.  For being a pay site I didn’t get enough out of it to justify continuing to use it.  I don’t know how it is now but from my past experience I would hesitate to pay to use it for more than a month or two without getting positive results.

LDSMatchup.com

LDSMatchup.com is a FREE website that operates kind of like Tinder.  You do the swipe right or left thing on your computer.  This is a fairly big site and a lot of people use it.  There are several problems with the site.  First of all it is kind buggy and sometimes it just doesn’t run very well and can be frustrating.  The other big problem is that it doesn’t have a cell phone app which makes girls less likely to use it.  Girls prefer to do stuff on their phones instead of on computers so the lack of a phone app limits how long girls are willing to use the site.

I started using the site when it first started in 2014.  I didn’t have much success at first using the site.  It took me nearly a year to get a first date and I would have quit a long time before I got a date except that the site is FREE so why not spend 5 minutes a day using the site.  Ultimately the site worked really well for me because I matched with my wife on it, so it can work.

The way that girls use LDSMatchup.com is they register to use the site because it’s free and convenient.  They use it for about 3 days before they get creeped out by the cringe worthy messages they get from overly thirsty men.  For example with my wife, I matched with her the first day she was using the site but she stopped using the site after a few days because she just couldn’t stand the desperate messages.

When you create a LDSMatchup.com profile you want to follow the same tactics as with LDSPlanet.com.  Let girls know that you earn $100,000 and you are 6 feet tall.  This will help you improve your match rate and help you get more interest from the girls who are there.  Online dating is a meat market where the girls have lots of options.  They only want men who match their template so make sure to fill their template.  That’s the secret for having success on a LDS dating website.a

Before I matched with Mrs. Johnson I worked out a pretty good system to be able to get occasional dates off LDSMatchup.com.  What I would do is just send a simple first message to any girl who I matched with saying, “Hi, (her name).  I’m Jeffrey.”  Usually by the time I message a girl, she’s already stopped using the site, so she isn’t going to respond.  However if she responds, she says something like, “Hi Jeffrey.”

After she responds, I know that she’s still using the site so I know that time is short and I’ve got to get her thinking that I am a cool guy and most importantly NOT a desperate, thirsty chump.  What I next would say is, “I’m (say something fun that I’m doing or just finished doing).  I was great because . . ., What are you doing?”  The general rule was I would just try to chat with her until she asked me a question.  Once she asked me a question I would say, “You seem like an interesting girl, let’s chat on Facebook.”

It is incredibly important to stop chatting on LDSMatchup.com and get her on any other messaging platform ASAP because she is going to stop using LDSMatchup.com soon and you won’t be able to keep talking with her.  Once I applied this system I was able to get a first date every 2 or 3 months or so.

I ended up chatting with several cute foreign girls there and ended up with the same problem that I had on LDSPlanet.com where I was endlessly chatting with random foreign girls.  LDSMatchup.com is a good tool to use to meet foreign girls.

Despite all of its problems LDSMatchup.com is a dating tool worth using.  It’s free and lots of girls cycle through it.  It doesn’t take more than 5 minutes a day to do your daily swipes so it is certainly worth setting up a profile on it and doing some swiping while you are sitting on the toilet or bored at work.  And it can get you anywhere from 3 to 5 additional first dates every year.  That doesn’t sound like a lot but over 3 or 4 years that can add up.

Conclusion

Using a LDS dating website is kind of hit or miss.  There isn’t one LDS dating website that can be completely useful all the time.  Despite its problems it makes sense to get and use and LDSMatchup.com profile.  When it comes to using a pay LDS dating website make sure to choose a site that gets you results.  You probably want to use the site for 4 months or so and then drop it for a year or so and use it later when the people using it have changed.

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Choosing a YSA Ward vs. Mid-Singles Ward for the 30 Something LDS Man

Humpty Dumpty Parumpty asks: Would you recommend a late 30s guy go to YSA, midsingles, or family ward for friends and future wives? All seem to have drawbacks for him, he may stick out in YSA, goofballs in midsingles, and olds and kids in family.  It’s a tough spot being a mid to late 30’s single man in the Mormon Church.  You don’t really fit into any basket and it’s really tough to find a place where you fit in.  Lots of LDS men in their 30’s struggle to fit in with a mid-singles ward, a YSA ward or a family ward.  Lots of men leave the LDS Church at this time in their life, not because they don’t believe in the Gospel, but because they just don’t fit anywhere and struggle to find a place where they feel comfortable and the people feel comfortable with them.

Humpty Dumpty Parumpty is correct that each ward has its serious drawbacks that limit how he can fit in with the people or if the people even will like him.  He’s correct that he might stick out like a sore thumb in the YSA ward and many of the girls will think that he’s a “creeper.”  However attending the mid-singles ward forces him to associate with too many of the unsuccessful and unfortunate which brings its own set of problems, namely the desire to watch the NFL all day on Sunday.

Here’s what I did to manage the whole YSA ward vs. mid-singles ward vs. family ward mess men in their mid to late 30’s find themselves in and afterward I will give some general ideas.

I was lucky because when I was younger I had a total baby face.  It sucked when I was 23 because people always asked me what high school I was at but when I was 35 it was a total lifesaver.  At 35 I looked like I was late 20’s to early 30’s so I could attend the local YSA ward and not stick out too much.  People knew that I was older but they didn’t care too much because I looked like I could’ve been a member of the ward.  One of the things that I did to avoid being labeled a “creeper” was I wouldn’t flirt with the girls who were late teens/early 20’s.  I really wouldn’t even talk much with them.  I tried only to socialize with girls who were at least 24/25 all though one time I had a short fling with a 23 year old girl in the local YSA ward.

While I mostly attended the local YSA ward I would visit the main mid-singles ward in my area once every month or so.  I would go there to see if any new girls showed up, etc.  I also was in their Facebook group and would watch the ward activities for ones that were with other mid-singles wards because these activities would have new people and have the most cute girls attending.

Let me pimp my book for a second: In Everything Your Father Never Taught You, I stress that the most important thing to do with your dating life is take a holistic view toward it.  I recommend using every tool available to get dates and meet girls.  This applies to what ward to attend also.  If there are a couple of cute 20 something or early 30 something girls in your family ward, spend enough time at the family ward to meet them, get them interested in you and ask them out.  If there aren’t any girls who interest you in the YSA ward then don’t go there often, just go often enough to know when and where the big activities with other wards are.  If the YSA ward has a good batch of mid to late 20 something girls spend lots of time there.  If the mid-singles ward has a good group of early 30’s girls who sometime bring their slightly younger friends then spend lots of time at the mid-singles ward.

Here are some general rules for how to present yourself and who to socialize with at the various single adult wards to have a good impact:

  • Admit that you are in a tough spot. Whenever we have to deal with a difficult situation the first thing to do is admit that we are in a tough situation.  Being mid 30’s and single in the Mormon Church is a very tough situation.
  • Understand that you really aren’t going to feel comfortable and really fit in with any of these wards. You are going to be too old for most of the people at the YSA ward and you may get the occasional dirty look.  You aren’t going to feel comfortable around the unsuccessful and unfortunate in the mid-singles ward and the family ward won’t know what to do with you.  You are kind of going to be a bit of a misfit wherever you go and you just have to accept that.
  • When you visit the YSA ward own the fact that you are older. Admit that you are there to meet the girls in their mid to late 20’s.  This will put the younger girls at ease and inspire them not to call you a “creeper” to their bishop.  It’s amazing how well it works to tell people, “I’m here to meet the girls in their mid to late 20’s.”  Nobody bats an eye when a 37 year old guy dates a 27 year old girl.  Trust me, I know.
  • There are girls in their early 30’s still hanging around the YSA ward. They know the mess that is the mid-singles ward and don’t want to go there either.  For them “graduating” to the mid-singles ward is an admission that their looks are starting to fade and their dating options aren’t as good as when they were 24.
  • Don’t try to join the YSA ward social groups. Nobody likes the old guy who still thinks that he is 23.
  • Try to associate mostly with the older people in the YSA ward. Ironically if you and the older people in the ward start spending time doing fun stuff, the younger girls will want to tag along.  If you want to date early 20 something girls, this is a good way to get access to them while not coming off as a “creeper.”
  • Be the mature established man. Girls like men who are established and can demonstrate that they have their act together.  Wear a nice, well fitted suit on Sunday, drive a nice car that you can afford, show that you live on your own and don’t have a bunch of roommates like an overgrown college kid who never grew up.  Girls won’t admit it but they like older men who have their act together.
  • When you attend the mid-singles ward, admit what your purpose there is. It isn’t to “make friends” or be part of the ward.  It is to meet the few girls in their early 30’s who are desirable but who somehow slipped through the cracks.
  • As a potential side benefit, you might meet some cool men at the mid-singles ward. There are men in the LDS Church who are their 30’s who have their act together.  They see what you see at the mid-singles ward and aren’t really interested in attending either.  You will be able to spot men at the mid-singles ward who have their act together because they stick out like a sore thumb.  It makes sense to try to meet these guys and make friends with them if you get a chance because men need good male friends too.
  • I don’t really know where you should put your church records. In my personal life I never put much stock on where my records were.  For most of my 30’s my dad was the bishop of the family ward and due to the bad economy at the start of this decade I had to move home for a few years.  I took my records there and when I moved out I ended up just leaving them there.  The best thing that I can say about where to have your church records is have them where the bishop is understanding of your situation and understands your general plans for church attendance.

Everybody is different and we all have to do what is right for us.  Still the general concepts in this article are good starting point and will help you get a good idea about how to go about building a good dating and social life as a 30 something single LDS man.  I can’t give exact recommendations for which type of ward to attend because your life situation is different from mine.  The big thing to do is have a lot of irons in the fire and you will find a situation that works for you.

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The Bryce Harper Marriage Shows that Desirable Men Demand More Than Just Looks

Baseball super star and leading Mormon, Bryce Harper got married this week.  Congrats to him.  Bryce Harper’s marriage is a great and important life lesson for all women.  Bryce Harper’s wife shows that men would rather marry a 7 who is pleasant to be around instead of marrying a 10 who is a total bizzzaaach.

In terms of the most desirable men on Earth, Bryce Harper easily ranks as one of the most desirable men on the whole planet.  He is: rich, famous, tall, athletic, he has fame, etc.  He literally has it all.  Before he got married he easily was the most eligible bachelor in the whole Mormon Church.  What kind of a girl did he marry?

Bryce Harper married a girl who is cute.  On a 1 to 10 scale I would rate her 7.  She is a cute girl next door looking girl.  If Bryce Harper wanted somebody cuter than she is, then he could easily get it.  Just on his name and fame, he can date any Mormon girl he wants, so why did he marry this cute girl next door?

We don’t know the exact details but I think that we can assume that he likes her more than all of the other women out there.  I’d assume that she treats him well and that’s she’s pleasant to be around.  I’m willing to bet that she treats him better than all of the women he dated before.

Ladies, Bryce Harper’s marriage is an incredibly important life lesson.  Men will happily marry a 7 who treats them well instead of marrying a 10 who is totally nasty.  Men are perfectly happy to marry down a little bit in looks if they can get a woman who is pleasant to be around in exchange.  Yes looks are important but when it comes to marrying there are lots of other factors that go into men deciding whether or not to marry you.

Ladies, if you find that men only want to casually date you but suddenly become commitment-phobic whenever you bring up serious dating, then they are telling you that they don’t see you as girlfriend/wife material.  If you want men to seriously date you instead of only casually dating you then you need to bring more to the table than just looks.

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Is Your Game Better Than a 4 Year Old

It’s that time of year when we all have to suffer things like spending lots of time with family and other people who we normally wouldn’t associate with.  Over the last few weeks I’ve gotten to spend quite a bit of time with my 4 year old nephew Jason and gotten to see his personal self confidence and how he interacts with women.  Let’s see if your Game is better than a 4 year old.

I brought the soon to be Mrs. Johnson over to my parent’s house to meet the whole family for Sunday dinner.  As the soon to be Mrs. Johnson and I walked in, Jason came running up to us.  He walked right up to my fiancée, looked right up at her and said with a ton of confidence, “Hi, I’m Jason.”  No hesitation, no fear, no weakness in his voice.  He assumes that all girls want to meet him because he is just so awesome and his confidence shows it.

A week later my sister called me up and asked me if I could baby sit Jason for a few hours while she and her husband went to his job’s Christmas party.  I agreed and I told her that I would take Jason to the local Rec Center that has an indoor pool.  After we got to the indoor pool, Jason had one look at the huge indoor waterslides and decided that he wanted to go down the slide.  After verifying that he could swim well enough that he wouldn’t drown from going down the slide I decided to let him go down the water slide.

At the bottom of the water slide there was a cute girl working as a life guard.  As Jason got to the bottom of the water slide he was proud of himself for his most recent life achievement.  He walked right up to the life guard and said, “I just went down the water slide.”  He was full of confidence and self assurance.  He just assumed that the cute girl life guard would want to know all about his most recent life achievement.

Next Jason decided that he wanted to play in the kids pool.  He went over to the kids pool and started to play with the other kids there.  He fell in with a couple of little girls who were about his age.  As they were running, Jason was next to this little girl.  He reached out and held her hand as they ran.  He just assumed that the little girl who he was playing with wanted him to hold her hand, because women always want the man who they are with to hold their hand.

Don’t feel bad if you realize that a 4 year old boy runs better Game than you.  You’ve suffered through decades of government propaganda that worked to make you less successful as a man.  Every day in school you were taught lessons that made you less confident in yourself and less attractive to women.  Every lesson you got in church on dating and girls served to make you less appealing to women.

To a large extent, learning Game is just teaching you how to act like how you acted when you were 4 years old and were brimming with confidence.  That’s really all there is to learning how to meet and attract women, it’s letting your inner 4 year old get out and take charge of the situation that your 23 year old self doesn’t know how to handle.

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The Beta Orbiter is a Commitment Slut

One of the biggest things that people just plain don’t understand about the dating market is that men and women are opposites of each other.  We are meant to balance each other out and strengthen each other’s weaknesses and avoid canceling out each other’s strengths.  One of the biggest ways people get confused about how men and women perceive dating is the way that people compare sexually promiscuous women, masculine players and the run of the mill Beta Orbiter.

Sexual equalitarians believe that a man who seduces lots of women is just like a sexually promiscuous woman.  Nothing is further from the truth.  It is very hard for an attractive man to seduce even one woman, let alone many women.  It takes little to no effort for a slutty woman to get a man into bed.  Falsely equating a man who seduces lots of women with a run of the mill slutty girl also misses a major point.

The most precious thing a woman can give a man is her body.  Traditionally if a man wanted to have sex with a woman he had to marry her for life.  A slutty girl gives away the most valuable thing she has, sexual access to her to many men for very little price.  She is an object of contempt because she gives away for free to many men, what a good woman is able to trade for lifetime commitment.

The man most like the sexually promiscuous woman isn’t the masculine player who seduces lots of women but it’s the beta orbiter.  The most valuable thing a man can give away is his commitment, financial support and love.  The masculine player gives none of these things away when he seduces a girl.  A beta orbiter gives away commitment, love and financial support while getting nothing in return.

The ugly truth is that it’s the beta orbiter who is most like the slutty girl.  The most valuable thing a man can give away is his commitment, financial support and love.  A beta orbiter always enters into relationships with lots of women where he provides commitment as their friend.  The beta orbiter provides financial support every time he takes his best girl friend out to lunch.  He provides love every time he spends a whole evening on the phone listening to her cry over the most recent jerk who didn’t want to commit to her.

You know the contempt most women hold slutty women in?  You know the disgust men have for slutty women they aren’t sleeping with?  That’s the disgust that a beta orbiters triggers in woman and in normal men with even an ounce of self dignity.  If you are a beta orbiter repent of your degeneracy and cut it out today.  Be a real man, ask girls on real dates and stop doing “group activities.”

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